So, our relationship remained for sometime as a very passive one. I would come home from school sometimes and hang out with him and the rest of his friends. He was going to school at Weber and I was in the parallel universe of BYU-Idaho. So coming home was refreshing, being away from that cold weird place. And when I came home it was just an automatic draw that somehow led me to wherever Shane would be. I had apparently fount myself in his trap. My question from earlier had been answered, why he had so many friends...he was obviously had some mental hold over them! But as I continued I noticed that he no longer thought of me as a friend, but he was definitely checking me out! Well i would not have any of that! so I went back to school and I got myself a boyfriend! Dear Tom was a lovely soul, I brought him back to home to meet my parents and to accompany me to two of my friends weddings. Well upon entering my first friends wedding I noticed that Shane was already on the other side of the room. I also couldn't help notice how after that he didn't really say hi, he stood around as we were sitting with all our friends and he was a lot more social than ever, joking and being very rambunctious, and then all of a sudden he disappeared. and after he disappeared so did everyone else at the table, leaving tom and I alone. I can't say that that was an exciting trip for me. But what I will say is that after that day all texts or calls that I would sometimes receive from Shane stopped altogether. I wish to say that I was hurt but I was to stupid and self centered at the time to do much caring.
Well the day came when Tom drove 250 miles to my house over summer break just to break up with me. This came at a truly inopportune time as we were celebrating one last time with my sister and the rest of our family. (As most of you know Anne was suffering from cancer at this time) This was our last chance to be together as a family happy and sound. well, Tom had just put a damper on that and so my father promptly kicked him out of the house. About three weeks after that my beautiful sister passed away. I wasn't exactly sure how to find consolation as my whole family was mourning her loss. But then one night shortly after I received a phone call from Shane inviting me once again. We had a few friends over and we all sat in the hammock until they all went home. This left Shane and I alone, for the first time I was able to express how sad I was to have lost my sister and how I wasn't sure what to do. Shane became the biggest source of comfort for me during those times. I knew I had hurt him, when I brought another boy home, but despite all of this he was right there ready to help me when I needed him most. He taught me a lot in this time, about what true friendship was. I believe it was this time when I began to fall in love with him, but I still wasn't ready to admit it. I filled out my mission papers and began to prepare myself to go. I had one more semester before I could go and so I would be returning to Idaho one more time. The night before I left Shane came to me and told me that he liked me and that he would like to date me. He told me not to say anything and he just left, I was left there sitting on the front porch not quite knowing what to think. I knew I wasn't ready, but I no longer could say that I didn't feel anything for him. This meant now that I would have to lie to a lot of people. I didn't want anyone knowing that I had feelings for him, especially when I was leaving the country for a year and a half.




